Isn’t it annoying when someone casually tells you that they “just threw together” an elaborate 5 tiered multi-flavoured cake? Even though I’ve done enough baking for people to think that I’m whipping up desserts with ease, the process still feels like I’m dismantling a live bomb. All that business about careful measuring and adding eggs one at a time and compulsory folding of batter clockwise and WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T OVER MIX and pulling the cake out of the oven at exactly the right second gives me the sweats. I even have a timer with big flashing digital numbers counting down to add to the drama. I completely understand why people just end up buying a cake from Coles. Okay maybe not from Coles. But what kind of childhood did you have if you never had a dirty $5 Coles chocolate mud cake for your 8th birthday?
Parfait Makes The Word Liver Sound Much More Appetising in This Truly Luscious Chicken Liver Parfait
No one really likes to think about liver and where it comes from or what it does. And much like politics or Scientology or Kim Kardashian, people have a fairly strong opinion of it one way or the other. However, when transformed into a smooth parfait (in case you didn’t know, a pâté is a more coarse, textured version), you don’t even think about the fact that it’s made of liver. You just wish it weren’t a shared entree and you hope no one will notice if you eat the entire thing.
Chocolate Rice Krispies Bars With Ovaltine And Milk Chocolate Bavarian Cream, You Are A Mouthful (Literally)
You may recall that I have already blogged about these in Version 1.0 of my blog and discussed their amazing qualities in great detail. If you are seeing these for the first time, they are the best thing to come from a marriage of Rice Bubbles and Ovaltine. And for those of you who do not have a relationship with your oven, you’ll love these because they don’t require any baking at all. But please tell me you are at least capable of mixing stuff together.
Dear FaceBook, I Don’t Care About An Exotic Fruit That Erases Belly Fat Just Leave Me To Eat My Crispy Sweet & Spicy Glazed Chicken Wings In Peace
Chicken wings are the unloved and unwanted part of a KFC bucket, joining green Skittles, Orange Cream biscuits, Miranda from Sex and the City, and Michelle Williams from Destiny’s Child as voted Least Favourite in their respective groups.
It might be winter here in Sydney, but there’s plenty of blue sky and sunshine which means certain people* are choosing to wear shorts and singlets and thongs. It’s a trap because it may look lovely and warm but it’s actually only 10 degrees which according to Australians is bloody freezing cold (personally, anything under 20 degrees feels sub-arctic). Of course, just because it’s cold doesn’t mean the rays of sunlight are any less capable of roasting you whole if you’re not careful.
* You live in Bondi and/or you’re a British tourist.
Recently I somehow managed to convince my charming friend Nic to order deep fried calamari coated in salted egg yolk, mostly out of curiosity on my part and also because I love any damn thing made with egg yolks. I must thank him for not outright rejecting that rather unusual choice, but anyway the risk paid off – they were strangely morish, which shouldn’t have been a surprise given my love for calamari, egg yolks, and deep frying, but they seriously looked like giant luminously orange cheese Twisties. I would totally eat a plateful again now, proving that sometimes the freakiest looking things are sometimes the most delicious. I must admit that my willingness to eat interesting things is probably mostly due to being Asian. Or possibly I’m always just hungry enough to eat anything.
Malted Blondies Are Just As Decadent As Brownies Especially When They Taste And Smell Like The Inside Of A Malteser
Blondies are much less commercially successful, popular or attractive than those famewhore attention-seeking brownies that everyone always talks about. And although you’re instantly attracted to the glamorously rich glossiness of brownies, sometimes they’re just a little too much, too high-maintenance, too over-the-top. Blondies seem more relaxed, fun and down-to-earth, and are much less likely to make you feel like vomiting after an extended encounter.*
*This paragraph also works if you substitute Khloe Kardashian for blondies and Kim Kardashian for brownies.
During a very short era that we shall call the Great Pickling, Mr D bought a large number of mason jars in anticipation of pickling everything that he could lay his hands on after watching one too many episodes of Doomsday Preppers. He had already experienced the flush of success with his highly acclaimed tomato chutney made with home-grown tomatoes, and decided his next project was to pickle a bushel of my dad’s blow-your-socks-off hot jalapenos. To give you an indication of how hot they were, being in the same room as those jalapenos and breathing the same air as them burned my lungs.
I decided to make doughnuts because I actually just wanted some chocolate crème patissière, but you cannot morally make that on its own unless you’re also one of those people who buys whipped cream in a can to squirt directly in your mouth. Therefore chocolate filled doughnuts seemed like a good idea. Don’t even think about making baked doughnuts or wondering how to make these doughnuts healthier, you need to commit to this one hundred percent and not feel any embarrassment or shame about the fact that you’re about to fry up lumps of dough.
A Life Lesson On Sprinkles And The Most Heavenly Vanilla Cupcakes With Creamy Milk Chocolate Ganache
Whenever anyone asks me to make a cake for them, I have a little private panic attack. I’m like an iceberg, all cool and icy calm on top but under the surface I’m a giant mass of frozen anxiety. I am a cake perfectionist. I want the cake to be the most amazing cake ever in the history of the world which is putting myself under some unnecessary pressure and the inevitable failure to live up to the impossible standards I have set. Especially when there’s a timeframe with which make the cake, the fact that it has to hold up for a length of time and also withstand the judgement of friends and random people. Random people are the scariest of them all.