The first time I ever tasted cheesecake was KFC cheesecake. I’m showing my age because many moons ago, before some Gen Y marketing person decided the name had too many syllables to remember, KFC was always referred by its full name, Kentucky Fried Chicken. If you didn’t know this then you were probably born in the 90’s and have never bought a cassingle in your entire life. You might not have also known that KFC also used to have lemon cheesecake, chocolate mousse, buttery corn cobs and tangy bean salad on their menu because they have now been replaced with that hideous popcorn chicken crap and crispy strips bullshit. But I remember the lemon cheesecake in its little single serve tub being delightful, so vividly yellow and probably made entirely from synthetic ingredients. I then graduated to cheesecakes from The Cheesecake Shop, a tacky yet glorious place where if you wanted only half a cheesecake they would cut a whole cake in half, foil tin and all (yes they came in foil tins). This story is making me sound like I grew up in a trailer park but I assure you I had a totally decent upbringing.
Crack Pie Is As Sassy As It Sounds And Will Make Your Kitchen Smell Like Diabetes But In A Really Good Way
I have something of extreme life or death importance to ask of you. It’s about pies. We all need to band together and make Pies the new Macarons which were the new Cupcakes which were the new Donuts which were the new Brownies. Apparently the prediction is that Marshmallows are going to be the next big thing but I’m not down with that shit. Marshmallows belong in rocky road or toasted on the end of dirty sticks in a campfire, not as an actual dessert for God’s sake. I mean really, what kind of cruel joke is this? We need to nip this in the bud before some poor hapless moron opens a marshmallow shop thinking that he’ll soon retire in the Bahamas with the imaginary wealth made from his stupid marshmallows.