Malted Blondies Are Just As Decadent As Brownies Especially When They Taste And Smell Like The Inside Of A Malteser


Blondies are much less commercially successful, popular or attractive than those famewhore attention-seeking brownies that everyone always talks about. And although you’re instantly attracted to the glamorously rich glossiness of brownies, sometimes they’re just a little too much, too high-maintenance, too over-the-top. Blondies seem more relaxed, fun and down-to-earth, and are much less likely to make you feel like vomiting after an extended encounter.*

*This paragraph also works if you substitute Khloe Kardashian for blondies and Kim Kardashian for brownies.

[Read more...]

Chocolate Creme Patissiere Doughnuts Are Delicious Hot Golden Balls Of Heaven


I decided to make doughnuts because I actually just wanted some chocolate crème patissière, but you cannot morally make that on its own unless you’re also one of those people who buys whipped cream in a can to squirt directly in your mouth. Therefore chocolate filled doughnuts seemed like a good idea. Don’t even think about making baked doughnuts or wondering how to make these doughnuts healthier, you need to commit to this one hundred percent and not feel any embarrassment or shame about the fact that you’re about to fry up lumps of dough.

[Read more...]

A Life Lesson On Sprinkles And The Most Heavenly Vanilla Cupcakes With Creamy Milk Chocolate Ganache


Whenever anyone asks me to make a cake for them, I have a little private panic attack. I’m like an iceberg, all cool and icy calm on top but under the surface I’m a giant mass of frozen anxiety. I am a cake perfectionist. I want the cake to be the most amazing cake ever in the history of the world which is putting myself under some unnecessary pressure and the inevitable failure to live up to the impossible standards I have set. Especially when there’s a timeframe with which make the cake, the fact that it has to hold up for a length of time and also withstand the judgement of friends and random people. Random people are the scariest of them all.

[Read more...]

Some Rambling at the Start But You Will Be Rewarded at the End With A Recipe for the Best Ever Flourless Chocolate Fudge Cake


It’s not unreasonable to expect a cake that looks delicious to actually taste delicious, is it? The other day I had some cake that looked positively amazing and promised me all kinds of happiness in my mouth, but it was ….meh. I ate the whole slice even though it was strangely textured and tasteless, and with each bite I’d look at it with growing disdain and annoyance, like it was Kanye West. It was the Kanye West of cake.

[Read more...]

Here We Have a Chocolate Fudge Cake with Raspberry Crème Fraiche Custard & Chocolate Truffle Ganache


…. or it could be just a dirty old Chocolate & Raspberry Cake.

Coming up with blog post titles is hard. I like to know what I’m in for into when I click on a link, so ambiguous titles really annoy me because I feel cheated when it turns out to be not what was expected and that’s minutes of my life I’ll never get back which could have been spent looking at something amazing and life changing (says the girl who needs to read all those trashy articles on even when they’re about British celebrities she’s never heard of). Anyway whatever my internet time is precious goddammit. But how much detail is too much detail for a title? I feel like I’m trying to sell you goods on eBay or something.

[Read more...]