If there’s something you cannot trust besides the department of meteorology and Tinder profile pictures, it’s the baking aisle of the supermarket. Those boxed cake mixes will lure you in with their siren song about the most amazing chocolate fudge cake of your dreams. It will only cost you $4 and cup of oil and an egg. AND YOUR SOUL.
Come In For The Random Tinder Analogy and Stay For A Big Thick Slice Of Chocolate Fudge Cake With Chocolate Fudge Frosting
La Bête Noire. The Irony Of A Chocoholic Baking A Chocolate Cake That Is Far Too Chocolately Has Not Escaped Me
For the first time ever, I was defeated by a cake. Not in the making, but in the eating. You might wonder how this could be possible, given that I’m a well-trained cake-eating machine. But I literally had to wipe the sweat off my brow and put the fork down after only 2 bites of a mere sliver. Then I stared at the rest of this enormous glossy cake before me, looking so huge and never-ending that I’m sure it actually disappeared into the horizon.
Isn’t it annoying when someone casually tells you that they “just threw together” an elaborate 5 tiered multi-flavoured cake? Even though I’ve done enough baking for people to think that I’m whipping up desserts with ease, the process still feels like I’m dismantling a live bomb. All that business about careful measuring and adding eggs one at a time and compulsory folding of batter clockwise and WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T OVER MIX and pulling the cake out of the oven at exactly the right second gives me the sweats. I even have a timer with big flashing digital numbers counting down to add to the drama. I completely understand why people just end up buying a cake from Coles. Okay maybe not from Coles. But what kind of childhood did you have if you never had a dirty $5 Coles chocolate mud cake for your 8th birthday?
Quarter This Addictive Tiramisu Recipe If You Don’t Plan On Sharing It Otherwise You Will Somehow Eat This Huge Thing By Yourself
This delicious recipe for tiramisu is a family recipe, which is true enough because my mum gave it to me. Now it shouldn’t matter that my mum definitely isn’t italian. She’s Vietnamese. However I don’t think her being in possession of a kick-ass tiramisu recipe is a completely weird thing because many of her vietnamese recipes are heavily french influenced, and Italy is right next to France, so….you know what I mean? However I’m quite certain that she never grew up on mascarpone cheese. Or any cheese. Sad face.
These are the most seductive brownies I’ve ever had, and without sounding like a total brownie whore, I’ve had a hell of a lot of brownies. Besides the chocolate, they’re full of the world’s unsexiest ingredient, prunes. All the marketing for prunes seems to be related entirely to its uses as a laxative, but try not to think about that now. Taste these brownies and you’ll realise that those glossy misshapen globules magically create pockets of gooey texture and lend a deliciously rich yet subtle fruity sweetness to this deeply chocolately brownie. Sorry I didn’t mean to go all Nigella on you in that last sentence there.
I Crossed Over To The Dark Side And Made A Raw Vegan Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake…Or Should I Say “Cheesecake”
You might wonder why I would even go near a recipe like this when I have already perfected an actual cheesecake, made of everything a vegan would run away from ie. all the dairy eggy refined-sugary goodness that makes life worth living. Yeah I don’t know either. Nonetheless, I decided to give it a shot to see if it was possible to make a dessert with all the vegan/raw constraints but also lived up to my impeccably high standards of deliciousness.
Chocolate Roulade with Milk Chocolate Ganache Sounds Much Classier Than Huge Fat Log Of Cream Filled Chocolate Cake
Have you ever tried to transport a delicate home-made cake by plane from Sydney to Melbourne? It’s a pain in the ass and filled with many moments of terror, such as when the airport guy suddenly decides to turn your cake box sideways as it goes through the x-ray machine. It was much easier in the old days when I’d just buy 2 dozen virtually indestructible Krispy Kreme donuts to take to Melbourne (back when only Sydney had Krispy Kremes). Although I haven’t had one in years, I could really go for some original glazed Krispy Kremes right now. Damn me and my food memories.
Pitting Cherries Is A Total Bitch Without The Right Gadget But This Chocolate & Cherry Clafoutis Will Be Worth The Frustration
There are two things that scare me. The first is clowns because they’re fucking creepy, especially when one tries to hit on you and then follows you around and you can see the psycho lurking in your peripheral vision everywhere you go. The second thing is over-baking cakes. Once you’ve over-baked a cake, you’re kind of screwed. The worst is when you have no choice but to serve it up and pretend your cake was meant to have the taste and texture of styrofoam. Everyone eats in awkward silence and all you can hear is the chinking of cake forks on plates and you can see the effort of their chewing and forcing themselves to swallow, like….uh…well I guess it’s similar to when you’re forcing yourself to swallow anything. And the reason for silence is because they literally can’t speak due to the lumps of dry cake stuck in their throats. Sometimes not even a thick layer of frosting or ice-cream can save it. The worst, I tell you. Even worse than stalker clowns.
Chocolate Rice Krispies Bars With Ovaltine And Milk Chocolate Bavarian Cream, You Are A Mouthful (Literally)
You may recall that I have already blogged about these in Version 1.0 of my blog and discussed their amazing qualities in great detail. If you are seeing these for the first time, they are the best thing to come from a marriage of Rice Bubbles and Ovaltine. And for those of you who do not have a relationship with your oven, you’ll love these because they don’t require any baking at all. But please tell me you are at least capable of mixing stuff together.
Coconut Milk Chocolate Cake With A Coconut Milk Chocolate Ganache Is Pure Genius And I Wish I Had Thought Of It First
I never intentionally bake anything healthy. If I do make something that happens to lack a shitload of butter, rest assured it was entirely accidental. Not that this recipe is classified as healthy, but instead of butter it uses glorious coconut milk. Even the ganache is made with coconut milk instead of cream. And let me tell you, it’s absolutely incredible. So rich, fudgy and m-o-i-s-t (I’m spelling out that word because it gives me the creeps).